Is Television the Future…?

When I am sick, with a cold or something, I usually take some medicine and put on whichever tv show happens to be on my computer.  In this case it was Top Gear.  So, I put it on and wrote a blog post, which may have been rubbish.  I’ve been watching quite a bit of Top Gear, which I do anyway.  Top Gear and Month Python were the gateway drugs that got me into British television.  It was Monty Python’s Flying Circus, then Top Gear, then Doctor Who, then Gordon Ramsey, then Eddie Izzard stand up, etc. 

One thing I noticed about Doctor Who is that he doesn’t look or act like typical heros and characters of American television.  A lot of times American heros physically fight the bad guys.  In the 1980′s, we had heros like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stalone.  They were really tough.  They killed a lot of people, but they weren’t particularly bright.  I’ve had trouble with American television because it seems like all of the characters are perfect, perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect bodies and essentially perfect lives.  Perfection is something that I can’t particularlly relate to, it just gets boring and unrealistic. 

Doctor Who is different though, which is why I love it.  He doesn’t physically fight his enemies, he outsmarts them.  He doesn’t kill hundreds of nameless extras.  Quite the opposite, actually, he loves the whole human race.  I like that.  Another thing I noticed is that Doctor Who, atleast the last two ( David Tenant and Matt Smith), hasn’t been played by a big, burly Schwarzenegger type of actor.  Matt Smith is frankly kind of skinny and has a large head.  I don’t have anything against skinny people, I am one of them, afterall.  So, British shows, atleast the ones I’ve seen, don’t focus on appearances.  I like that, too.  Lastly, and most importantly, they seem to focus most on the writing.  Because Doctor Who is very clever; ergo, he is very witty.  It seems like American shows focus more on drama, good looking actors and special effects.  I would much rather clever writing than any of those things. 

I don’t want this to simply be an America television bashing.  I am mainly referring to the shows on the big networks along with channels like ABC Family.  To our credit there have been some very well written American shows, most of them are comedies: Modern Family, The Office, Big Bang Theory, etc.  The characters of these shows are almost all relatively normal people.  Even Big Bang Theory, they seem like pretty normal rocket scientist and Ph.D’s. 

It makes me wonder how much a country’s society is reflected in its television programs.  British television does seem to confirm my belief that the majority of Brits are witty and clever.  I do have to wonder if those superficial shows on ABC Family with the drama,attractive actors and terribly stupid writing are a reflection of our society.  If that is the case, I hope the future is Modern Family instead of Pretty Little Liars.

Bed Rest > Couch Rest

I recently got sick with a cold or something.  I’ve been coughing a lot, sneezing and incapable of breathing through my nose.  Since I am home I have decided to get some bed rest.  I’ve been thinking (I like to try new things).  Why is that specific adjective there?  Why is it bed rest?  Isn’t any rest good, regardless of the location?  Then I put some thought into it.  Bed rest is best, as opposed to couch rest.  Couch rest is the low class of resting, along with back seat of a car rest.  Bed rest is far superior to couch rest, and I’ll explain why. 

Couch rest is a Ford Fiesta.  Bed rest is the Acura NSX.  Couch rest is McDonald’s.  Bed rest is a fine cut steak.  Couch rest is Tom Cruise.  Bed Rest is Steve McQueen.  Couch rest is Michael Bay.  Bed rest is Orson Welles.  Couch rest is baseball.  Bed Rest is pretty much every other sport.  Couch rest is the hot, loud, narcissistic girl.  Bed rest is the quiet, sweet girl with glasses.  Couch rest is Taylor Swift.  Bed rest is Lady Gaga.  Couch rest is heathy pizza you get at Whole Foods.  Bed rest is the amazing, traditional, greasy pizza.  Couch rest is Home Depot.  Bed Rest is the Mom and Pop hardware store.  Couch rest is Canadian Bacon.  Bed rest is normal bacon.  Couch rest is the Canadian army.  Bed Rest is the  American army.  Couch rest is Ted Kennedy.  Bed rest is John.   Couch Rest is a pine cone.  Bed rest is real toilet paper. 

I’m not saying that the Ford Fiesta, Canadian bacon or  Whole Foods’ pizza isn’t good.  I am just saying I would prefer an NSX, real bacon and/or traditional pizza (I would love them all together).  Couch rest, in most cases, will suffice, but bed rest is prefered.  Tom Cruise, Ted Kennedy and Michael Bay are metaphors of bad couch rest. 

See, in most cases, bed rest is best!

Halloween, time to pull out my pirate hooker outfit!

The temperature is getting colder, decorations are favoring orange and black color schemes and the smell of Jolly Ranchers is in the air.  Yes, Halloween is upon us.  I’ve been indifferent towards Halloween ever since I felt like I was too old to wear a costume.  I guess I’m technically not to old.  I see all kinds of mild-age woman dressing up usually in something rather skimpy.  Which raises an interesting question: Do prostitutes dress up as modest, house wifes on Halloween?

Before college, I always heard people make jokes about skimpy, hookerish costumes that women wore.  I simply didn’t believe it because I never saw anyone wearing costumes fitting this description.  Maybe, because I grew up in a small town.  When I moved to a bigger city, for college, it seemed like all the girls wore very revealing costumes.  I don’t understand why this is…  I also have to wonder who the first person was to do it.  Were two women sitting next to each other, “I bought the kids their Halloween costumes.”
“I think I’m going to dress up as pirate hooker.”
“…..oh….I’ve always wanted to!  I will too!”  I’m assuming the costumes weren’t like this in fifties.  Were there ever skimpy costumes on Leave it to Beaver?  I’ve never watched it, but I imagine not.  So, when did the skimpy costumes come about?  I’m guessing a prostitute walked out in normal attire, just trying to make some money.  Some woman saw her and said, “Nice costume!”  Some man overheard the compliment, he got dollar signs in his eyes like the old cartoons and he started selling these costumes.  Why aren’t the feminists doing more to stop this?  This seems like the kind of thing that feminist would jump all over.

Staying on costumes.  The year was 1995.  I was four (in many regards I still am).  That Halloween I had a dinosaur costume.  My mom thought I was a cute Barney fan.  To me; however, I was the T-Rex in Jurassic Park ready to attack anything that moved.  Afterall, the T-Rex’s attacks were based on movement (I wrote were because the T-Rex is extinct, allegedly).  That was the best Halloween costume I remember, which segues into my reader question.  What is your favorite costume of all time?

Nuts

Using my witty observations and occasional serious points, I am proud to say that I have seized a new demographic.  The self-declared facebook stalkers who look for entertaining alternatives to homework!  I was actually contacted.  I love when readers contact me…unless it’s negative.  A girl at my church once told me, “Evan, I found your blog.  I read it when I have nothing else to do.”  That came across as one of those negative compliments.  It’s like someone decided, “I’m going to be nice, but I’m not going to give you complete satisfaction.”  I think I would just prefer no compliments than compliments with a spin on them.  The Spin Stops here!  Random fact: in a bar fight with anyone, Bill O’Reilly would win.  There are two reasons for this:  1. He’s 6’5″ and just generally large.  2. He’s Irish or maybe Scottish, either way translates into bar fighting skills.  The only person that might be able to beat him is Conan O’Brian for the exact same reasons.

Anyway, so how have you been readers?  As you are reading this, where ever are, shout whatever you’re doing as loud as you can…I guess you’re reading.  Shout reading as loud as you can, even if you’re in a big group of people.  Comment on how it went.  Anywho, that was the introduction.   There is a jar of Planters mixed nuts sitting in front of me.  I’ve eaten all the ones I want, now there are only those round ones, that don’t have any flavor.  I buy a jar of mixed nuts every few months.  Every time is the same, though.  I eat all the cashews, peanuts, lightly [sea] salted pecans and almonds.  They are delicious, but then I’m left with an almost empty Planters mixed nut jar.  I can’t throw it away because that would be wasteful.  I feel guilty for not eating the remaining nuts because there are kids in Africa eating dirt just to survive.  So, basically I just sit here looking at the jar.  One day, in a moment of haste, I’ll throw the nuts out to the birds.

A jar of mixed nuts is very much like buying House of Pain‘s Greatest Hits.  You only really want to listen to Jump Around, but in order to get Jump Around you have to get the whole album.  This means you have to keep pressing repeat on your tune box or whatever antique contraption plays cds.  Fortunately, there is a solution!  As far as the music is concerned, I bought the song on iTunes by itself.  As far as the nuts are concerned, I bought a plastic container of cashews with sea salt.  Sea salt is the nobility of seasonings,  just fyi.  Sadly, I realized that cashews are not quite as good if they aren’t accompanied by peanuts, almonds and lightly [sea] salted pecans.  Jump Around; however, is just as good without all the other rubbish songs on the album.  So, this metaphor doesn’t really work….

So, you’re probably thinking there was supposed to be a message to this.  Some type of moral.

Nope!

Thanks for reading!

The Super Twister!

Regular Twister by day, super twister by night!

In Earth Science Class we discussed Super Twisters!  Naturally, I imagine them looking like the image above.  By day it’s a normal mild mannered F2 twister.  By night, it’s a F5 Super Twister!  Saving kittens from trees, protecting gotham city and thwarting Lex Luther!

Don’t press the little red button!

I was thinking about the Just For Men hair coloring stuff.  I wonder if feminist use it just to make a point.  Or…does it live up to its name?  What if it only works on men?

It feels like it has been a long time since I last posted…yesterday.  I was worried that post was very unpatriotic despite my very patriotic mood.  Did you know, in the state of Louisiana, anyone can run for governor regardless of qualifications?  Which gave me a very incredible and probably predictable idea.  I am going to run for Governor!  All I have to do is pay the entry fee (or whatever it’s called in a political race).  Vote for me and total anarchy will more than likely occur because the closest thing I have to political experience is when I was elected chaplain of my senior class in high school.  See, I don’t want to be governor.  I just want to be able to say my name was on the Ballad.  I’m slightly serious about perusing this idea.  This idea did cause a little worry because…what if, out of some cruel joke, I won?  That worry is about the same as my excitement when I first joined a fantasy football league.  I was quite excited about winning in my fantasy football game, I lost quite badly and I am currently eighth in my league….out of ten.  The things I worry or fantasize about don’t seem to happen, which, in the case of the worry, is quite good.  In the case of the fantasizing, it’s just a bit of a bummer.  I have often fantasized about having a car which is also an autobot.  So, look for my name on the ballad next time we have an election you might just not see it!

It seems like every time I log into WordPress to check my blog there is a new feature or something.  Now there is a new button, which you can see in this image.  All it says is ‘Go Pro’.  Because it is a button, much like the little red button on Men in Black, I want to push it.  This button has all of the qualities of the perfect button.  First, it is subtle.  It doesn’t have exclamation or a period.  Ergo, it isn’t shouting at you, or commanding you to press it. It is also just white and blue.  It isn’t blinking or flashing.  So, it doesn’t shout itself, which makes it more appealing.  Secondly, it has negative consequences.  I know if I push this I’m going to have to pay for some feature I don’t need.  Thirdly, it is right there in the open.  You never have to go looking for a good a button.  This button contains all three elements…I need to press this button.  I want to press this button.  I have self-control, and the button shall remain unpressed.

I feel like that last paragraph accidentally had a good message.  I started with the intention of making some funny button observations; after all, who doesn’t love button observations?  The more that I look at it the button is like sin in a way.  It test ones morals.  I said accidentally above, I’m not against a good message.  I just intended it to be funny and it actually contained some morality.

I don’t know about this post…it turned out rather weird.  I feel like I need to start writing post with a single humorous or non humorous objective, as opposed, to writing three paragraphs about random thoughts I’ve been having.  What are your thoughts on this?  Should I keep posting three random thoughts or should I start writing about one thing? What kind of thing do you enjoy reading?  As always, I would love your input!  So, comment below:

Amurica!

I want to start off by thanking you, my readers, again.  Because the number of readers I had Wednesday far surpassed what I was expecting.  I owe you a coke.  If you read Wednesday and are reading now, remind me to buy you one. 

As an American, it’s my responsibility to watch atleast one Bruce Willis movie every three to four months.  Otherwise I might be suceptable to socialism and a hatred of Baseball. I’m just going to quickly point out that the only teams competing in the World Series are from the U.S.; ergo, rendering the name pointless.  Mom and I are watching Die Hard.  I am writing this during the commercial breaks.  Die Hard is definitely the best of the series.  Basically, Bruce Willis thwarts the European villains and their outrageous accents (Month Python reference).  This isn’t just a win for McClain, though.  No, It’s a win for capitolism, apple pie, baseball and the American Way!  Thank you, Bruce Willis, thank you!

Contributing to the overall patriotic mood of this post, I voted for the first time today!  Today is the first election since when I got registered to vote, when I turned eighteen.  I wrote in Ron Paul for Governor…not really.  I will tell you I voted for Bobby Jindal.  I think he is an excellant choice for Governor.  That’s the only one of my choices I will reveal.  I’m actually quite proud to vote.  I feel like I am contributing to society.  I like it.

The only thing that could make this day more patriotic is if it were July 4th…or if I had been born on the fourth of July.  Sadly, neither of those things are true. 

Ha thanks for reading!  If you like America or movies where Bruce Willis beats a detrimental, European villain please comment below!

A Christian and His Money

As a Christians, I believe in having a quiet time (I know some consider that old fashion).  I try to do this everyday, but I’m not always successful.  This is the key verse from today’s:

Whoever loves money never has money enough;

whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. 

This too is meaningless.

Ecclesiastes 5:10

I like to make jokes about going broke, as a college student it isn’t hard to do.  Recently the jokes haven’t really been jokes.  I haven’t had a job while I’ve been in school, but I have had to pay for things.  The money in my savings account is slowly dropping.  Now it’s at a point I really didn’t want it to be at.  Just to clarify, I realize that nothing horrible is going to happen.  I’m not going to go bankrupt, the bank is going to take my truck or my dorm and I’m not going to forced to eat soup at a homeless shelter because I can’t afford meals.  I can still go home to my parents.  Here is my real question.  Does worrying about my dropping bank account mean that I love money?

“Whoever loves money never has enough” I’m afraid of going broke, and not having enough to pay for things.  Does that mean I’m in the mindset that I need more? Does that mean I’m greedy and love money?  Does that mean I’m attached to my money in a way that isn’t spiritually correct?

The little worrying part of me is saying,”I’m not quite at threat level midnight, but the time for a little bit of concern is now.  It’s definitely time to get a job.”  The other part of me is saying, “Don’t worry about the money, God will provide what you need…I would like a job, though. I like to work.”  I know the second is correct.  I know that I just have to trust God, but that lead to another thought: Is a little concern at all ok?  To me that implies a slight lack of trust in my relationship with God.  Some might say, “Well, it’s just a little?”  Ask that little boy in Holland.  A little weak point can lead to something much worse things.

So, I’m not just posting this for people as a quick laugh.  I hope maybe from reading this it helps you in some way.  And I would appreciate your input.  So, is being concerned about my finances and being afraid of going broke make me a lover of money?  Comment below, I would love to hear more experienced opinions!

Young, Rudy…Bear Hunter?

I’ve been going to church for some time now.  I’ve heard the story of David and Goliath many, many times, but there is one thing that gets me everytime I hear it.  So, let’s just go over the story one more time:

But David said to Saul, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep.  When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth.  When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it.  Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” 1 Samuel 17:34-37

So, those are the verses.  I have heard them quite a lot.  This is the part that stumps me.  In all the years of hearing the story, I’ve never heard anyone stop on the lion and bear bit.  They just keep going on to the showdown between him and Goliath.  I realize that their battle (0r David’s victory) is the main point of the story, but he killed two of the biggest Animals on the planet with a rock?  Am I the only one amazed by that?  King Leonidas was supposed to be all big and bad.  All he did, as a rudy youth, was kill a starved wolf who was probably suffering from hypothermia and ready to go anyway.

He killed a bear.  That alone would make him an American hero because bears; after all, are the biggest threat to America’s independence.  He killed bears and lions.  No one seems to be amazed by that feat.  There are people who pay hundreds, even thousands, of dollars to go on exotic hunting trips to kill these animals.  Not David, for him it was just part of the job (and training for what God had in store for him).  Not only does he kill two of the most dangerous mammals on the planet.  First, he grabs their hair, then he hits them(humiliation tactic) and then he finally kills them.  Was lion killing by small, rudy shepherd boys such a common occurrence that modern preachers dismiss it?

I realize people who are much more intelligent than I could go on and on about all the Theological messages in this story.  I think if I ever do a lesson on David I will make a quick mention of his lion/bear killing skills.

Haha this post may have been a bit different, but I hope you enjoyed it.  Remember comment below or follow me on twitter or add me too your circles on Google+!  If you’re a reader I would love to hear your feedback!

Thanks for reading!

Deer Season?

I would like to start by thanking all of you readers!  I had significantly higher reader numbers after my last post.  You did your part, now I’ll do mine and try not to disappoint. I hope it wasn’t to offensive (comment if it was offensive).  If it was offensive…I probably won’t do anything to change it.  I would just like to know.

So, I had to write an English paper last week.  I was having some difficulty getting started.  It was a position essay.  All I had to do was point out the problems with the mathlab, and then some suggest some solutions.  I feel I accomplished this…by comparing said mathlab to Darth Vader.  The mathlab isn’t necessarily the bad guy, which is why I didn’t compare it to the Emperor.  I am quite proud of this paper, not sure about my teacher, though.  I have to be honest.  I may have had some help…..from Robert Duvall! Boom! We tweet…not really.  I was inspired by the scene in Apocalypse Now with the helicopters where Mr. Duvall plays Ride of the Valkyrie.  I bought the song to boost moral, which it did!  I managed to finish the paper without staying up all hours of the night.  That was nice.

My Uncle came over this weekend.  I was drawing tattoos on everyone, a bit random transition there.  They probably aren’t going to read this, so I’ll just confirm the magnificence of my tattoo drawing abilities for them.  After drawing tattoos I decided what tattoo I would want if I got one.  I want to get a Zelda Triforce tramp stamp or an Apple tramp stamp in honor of Steve Jobs.  I had two serious ideas for tattoos, even my serious ideas aren’t very serious.  First: a black light tattoo of all my bones.  When ever I dance under a black-light it would look so awesome! Second: 3D tattoos!  Seriously, why hasn’t anyone done this.  It looks normal, until you put the glasses on!  Then it pops out at you!  I think this is seriously an awesome idea, as opposed to all my other ideas, which could be interpreted as stupid.  (If you have a 3D tattoo please send me a picture!)

So, it’s deer season or about to be.  I don’t keep up.  I don’t deer hunt because it is one of the most boring things a person can do.  (Turkey hunting; on the other hand, is very exciting) When you deer hunt, basically you’re sitting in a tree for three hours waiting for a deer to not come out.  However; I like hunting, because I also like eating.  I think the way deer are hunted is a bit unsportsmanlike, unless you’re doing it in Alaska.  I’ll show you why I think deer hunting anywhere other than Alaska or Canada is unsportsmanlike.  Deer hunting in Alaska/Canada: you shoot the deer, a bear hears the shot, you clean deer, the bear ambushes you, the bear kills you and finally the bear eats you and the deer.  Lion hunting: you could be killed and eaten.  Leopard hunting: you could be killed and eaten.  Bear hunting: the bear could kill you and eat you.  Look at what happened to the Grizzly man, and he was on their side.  Elk: the elk charges you, gores you with his antlers, the wound gets infected and you die of gangrene.  Moose: the Moose tramples you and you die embarrassingly flat.  Elephant: you shoot it as many times as you can, it doesn’t die because it is the biggest land mammal on the planet and it tramples you to death.

If you notice there is a common theme, which is death.  There is a risk of being brutally killed by any of these animals.  Now let’s compare that to deer hunting.  You bait the field, you wear cloths that camouflage you, you sit very high in a tree and use a high powered Rifle.  There are even scent covers that make you smell like deer pee.  Seriously?  The Pygmy tribe in Africa does a similar thing.  They cover themselves in elephant dung.  Then they climb in a tree and wait for the elephant?  No!  They walk underneath the elephant, stab it in the bladder with a spear covered in poison and run like crazy.  Sitting in a tree, waiting for a defenseless animal to come with in range of your gun is about as fair as the United States going to war with France.  It isn’t even a contest.  Now here is my dilemma…I love deer meat.  It is so good.  So, I’m just going to keep my mouth shut and keep eating.

I have a lot of friends and family who are deer hunters…did you enjoy it?! comment below

This post is quite long.  So, I’ll end it here.  If you’re a hunter please comment below, I would love to read your opinions.

P.s. Follow me on twitter: @evan164 or find me on Google+.  Google+ is my new favorite!

Mississippi….gross

So I am back…again!  If you haven’t notice (whoever you are), I have a bad habit of publishing faithfully for a week or so, and then I’ll just quit.  Life gets in the way, I run out of ideas or something.  I’ve been wanting to post for a while, but I didn’t know what to write about.  I thought I could tell you about being back in school.  I could tell you about my photography class, which I love!  I could tell you about how we feed homeless people.  I could tell you these things…but I’m not going to.  Instead, I think I am just going to freestyle.

I have lots of random thoughts….that essentially go no where.  The scene in Apocalypse Now when they were water skiing popped in my head.  Naturally, I bought a Rolling Stones’ song.  But I can’t get no satisfaction from just one Stones’ song…so I bought three, which really isn’t enough either.  That made me wonder…are there any Vietnam vets that have flashbacks with the Rolling Stones playing?  I wanted to post that on facebook, but I thought it might not be well received.

I recently went on a beach trip. It was great! I actually drove myself there, made 22 minutes quicker than what the Gps had predicted! So, boom! I also bought a giant hat! I should probably upload pictures or something. It was a fun trip, but I’m not going to go on and on about that.

Big news! Not actually about me, it’s Formula one! Sebastian Vettel just became the youngest 2x world champion. Which is cool, because he is my favorite driver, second would be Jenson Button. Jenson Button is an extremely British name. British people are so cool. Seriously, how is an entire country that intelligent and witty. I haven’t seen the everyone in the country, but every British person I have ever seen is both witty and intelligent. Is it the school systems? It must be, or genetics. Apparently, the best high schools in our country are in Texas…which does seem a bit off. Because when I think of Texas I think of corn fields and rodeos. Just following stereotypes for a minute, saying the best schools are in Texas is like saying that least amount of birth defects due to inbreding are not found in Mississippi. Now that I think about everyone I know from Texas is quite intelligent…I still hold to the idea that Mississippi is a backwards state. I’m not worried about them getting offended by this because we all know they can’t read. I’m just kidding…a few can read. I’m just saying that if the United States were a family Mississippi would be the second cousin with four toes.

I’m just kidding Mississippians….kind of…

Anyway, thanks for reading! If you like Mississippi or if you know British people, please comment below: